While We’re Still Alive

Since an early age, I’ve been daily consumed by this overwhelming urge to write. To me, writing is a natural and strong instinct apparently embedded in my blood, just like breathing. What has been taking my peace away, however, is this counter-intuitive desire (given how private and selective I am) to share what I write, whether my impressions on a song or book, for instance, or my own (often crazy) thoughts, ambitiously hoping that at least some of them can eventually touch somebody’s soul, just as the works of so many people I admire – and who will never, ever, get to know about my existence – have been touching mine, sometimes deeply. Talking to one of my best friends about this ambition, she bluntly asked me, “Can’t you think of something smaller”?

Well, apparently, I can’t. Still, my reasons for resisting this insane temptation to publish my writing range from feelings of how much I value – and deeply need – my privacy to others that psychologists would probably label as “impostor syndrome” (“I’m not good enough for this”). Besides, at this point of human existence, anyone who has two brain cells has already realised that Internet is a growing-hate territory where people, for some weird logic (or, more likely, for the total lack of any logic at all), dedicate their time to publicly attack and share what they don’t like instead of just focusing and promoting what they like. It’s not in vain that I’ve been avoiding by all means engaging in any kind of social media. They don’t look like a good place to be, but like one more evidence that the world is going from bad to worse.

“Here comes the negative person” – Many are concluding now. I’m just talking about facts, though. Dealing with data is the very core of my background, but I’m not diving into this discussion; that’s not my purpose here. I just can’t help thinking that last time I was considering this idea, the whole world was suddenly hit by this bitter surprise that looks like a science-fiction plot: a pandemic. Naively believing that it would soon be controlled, I decided to wait a bit more. I didn’t want my thoughts to be attached to that nightmare. Days went by. Weeks went by. Months went by. Years went by. When death tolls finally started decreasing, the world was one more time surprised by something that I (again naively) assumed to be restricted to History books: a war! “It will be over soon” – I thought (and wished for). Again, weeks, months, years went by and, just a few days after finally deciding to resume my shelved project, boom!, another war!

“I’m not going to write anything. I’m going to just sit down, cross my arms and wait for the end of the world. It won’t take too long” – Those were some of the first thoughts that crossed my mind on what was supposed to be just another Saturday morning. Sharing this feeling with another of my best friends, she said, “Noooo! While the world still exists, we need to make our time here enjoyable” – and she is absolutely right! Tragedies will always be out there. One isn’t even over yet, and another one already begins. If I keep waiting for them to end so I can start doing what I want, what I believe to be meaningful, then my own life will be turned into what is possibly (if not probably or even certainly) the worst and saddest tragedy of all: being dead while still alive. So, here I am, trying to make my time on Earth worth living, firstly to myself and, hopefully, also to the ones around me.

While I’m 100% aware that I’m not going to change this mad world (the age of being that naïve is now in a distant past), that incorrigible idealist living inside of me still wishes to make it a better place somehow – and, to me, beauty is one of the few things that can do that. Still, I know that I will never be someone who creates beauty, at least not the kind of beauty that touches the deepest parts of my own soul. By writing, however, maybe I can contribute somewhat to spreading what’s beautiful. That’s the purpose of creating this space: sharing music, food, books, humour, places, even my own daydreams, anything that inspires us to move forward while we’re still alive, anything that makes us feel like living! So, if you’re interested in trouble, controversy, discord, I strongly suggest that you do us both a favour: just go look for something else to read. I’m sure you’ll find it. Now, if you’re looking for something that comforts your soul a bit while you go through life, welcome! I do hope you feel that you came to the right place. 🙂

BONUS

To me, this is the Mad World best version ever! 👇🏻

*Originally published on 27 November 2023, on the (now inactive) Musings N’ Music Medium profile.